She’s a dream ?


She’s a dream. I can see her, I can hear her, I can sense her presence, but I just can’t remember her face nor can I remember her voice. Every second I spend with her fills me with bliss. She is in my head but still someone I’m not acquainted to. For those short moments she is the world to me and after that she just isn’t there, I can’t even say whether she exists or not. It’s like someone wipes off my memory right after she leaves. In my heart I know that she is there but my head says otherwise. I think this is how we humans are different from machines. Both humans and machines have a brain  but we humans have something called a heart which defies logic, rules and facts. What a heart feels, it feels and my heart craves for her in a way unknown to me. I can sense her aura, sometimes I catch her glimpse in the mirror, and sometimes I find her pacing across the lobby. There are days when I wake up to her scent but when I open my eyes there’s no one. I don’t know her name, I just call her ‘Aina’, it means mirror or something that reflects.

I’m scared to tell anyone about her. They’ll think that I’ve lost my mind, which is justified. They won’t understand me or her at least not the way I understand her. I’m scared that they won’t accept her and won’t appreciate her the way I do. She’s just amazing. I wonder what I will tell them when they ask me about her. I don’t remember anything about her. They’ll call me a lunatic, which I’m not. I know that she helps me sleep and she’s the reason I wake up every morning. I want to learn things about her, I want to do things with her, and I want to do things for her. I just wish to know her, I just want to spend time with her, and I want to make memories with her.

This Is The Last TIme I Get High

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

heroin 2

I snapped a picture of my surroundings and sent it to him, so somebody would know where I was.

“Pretty,” he said. “Where is that?”

“Downtown Newark.”

Downtown Newark, New Jersey is anything but pretty, but nighttime hides a multitude of sins.

“Are you going to score?”

“Yes” I  texted.

“Don’t be a dumbass” he responded.

“If you don’t hear from me in an hour-there’s a problem.”

An hour later, I was laying in front of a magical Christmas fireplace with the whole family I never had.

The most magnificent church bells rang in my soul.

My brain was massaged by Kafka and Burroughs,

as I bathed in the warm golden sunshine of a perfect life.

I squinted at my cell phone at 7:45 the next morning. My cell phone alarm had been beeping for 45 minutes.

7:45? Fuck. I usually am up at 6:30. Get my kid up at 7.

My heart…

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Little Boy Blue


My Remaining Essence

“He’s gone, you can come out now.” She whispered softly lifting the laced pink bed skirt and peeking into the shadowed darkness. “I said, he’s gone. Now where have you run off too?” In annoyance she folded her bare arms across her chest and put her head down. “We were going to play a game.”

“What game?” A stern male voice asked above her.

“Nothing, Daddy.” Her voice was soft and timid.

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to her feet and crouched to her level. “Girl, if I find out you’re fibbing, do you know what will happen?” She nodded swallowing the hard lump in her throat, and reaching up to touch a scar just above her right eye.
“That’s right, now go on and play before I change my mind. Do you understand?” He rubbed down her arm with gentle anger and stood up to…

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A for Apple. B for Bullet.

These are the words that will make you feel, make you think, make you cry and leave you numb.

Epiphany in the Cacophony


Dear Ma,

I’m sure the news has reached you by now. I hear the police cars outside, their deafening sirens a welcome change from the dead silence in the classroom.
I don’t think I will make it. It’s getting harder to breathe and I am feeling drowsy. I wish you were here. Fussing over me like you do when I hurt myself. You’re probably outside the school gates right now. I am hoping you can hear my thoughts.

We were in English period when they stormed into the class. It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think. They shot ma’am first. “Get under your tables” she yelled before she fell to the ground. We scrambled to hide under them.
I sat still, my eyes on the floor as a pair of black shoes got closer and closer. His shoes were a lot bigger than mine. I was…

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Crazy Hot Sex

Too many expectations..?? I don’t know.. It’s pretty amazing 🙂

Mom Life Now


To my dear daughter,

As you grow, many boys will enter your years. They will speak words of love and passion, of wanting you–all of you.

Their sex will be lacking.

Believe me, dear girl, I know what crazy hot lovemaking is made of. Until the boy can assure you of the following, it is not true passion.

If he can patiently wait for over three years. From pregnant to nursing to pregnant to nursing, with your hormones fierce, and desire often dead. “Please, just let me sleep. I am so tired.” will be your common response. Until he can love you still, choose you still, it is not true passion.

If He can call you beautiful when even your feet are swollen from baby belly. Call you sexy when your legs run thick with varicose veins from the same. Call you perfect after your belly hangs loose with skin…

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Is India changing?

Answer by Rakesh Mahadasa:

IITian and Rickshaw-wala…nice piece of conversation 
This one is delightfully interesting to read.

There were two rickshaw-walas vying for our business, when we wanted to go to Sankat-Mochan temple in Benaras. I agreed to go with the one, who was about 20 years of age, seemed like a regular young rickshaw-wala, but I found something interesting about him. I was not proved wrong.

He wanted Rs 50, we said Rs 30. We settled for Rs 40.
Here are the highlights of the conversation that ensued, while we rode the rickshaw:
Rickshaw wala : Where are you from?
Me:  "Delhi."
Rickshaw wala: working or doing some business?
Me : Working
Rickshaw wala: Where?

Me : In Internet!
Rickshaw wala : Even I want a job in that.
I just chuckled.

 Rickshaw wala : I'm trying to get into engineering. I will get a good job then

Me :Really?? I asked a little interested.

Rickshaw wala : Yes, I applied for Guru Gobind Singh Indraprashta University in Delhi for engineering. That's a good University.

Me : Yeah, its good . I agreed.

Rickshaw wala :   and yeah ,  I appeared for JEE Yesterday.

Me: U mean IIT JEE ??

Rickshaw wala : "Haan, Joint Entrance Examination"
he pronounced it perfectly.Just to make it clear to me what JEE stood for.

Rickshaw wala :  That exam was difficult , people prepare for 2 yrs for that exam , but its not that easy.What did u study ?
Me:  I'm an engineer and did my MBA after that
Rickshaw wala : Where did u do your engineering?

Me: from IIT Delhi
He swung back, surprised, a little delighted, and smiled. "Ok,
Ok , then only 30rs for u
Swati and I laughed.

Swati asked When did you study for IIT ?
After this rickshaw job , at night  Then he added
Which branch?

Me : "Chemical."

RW: Then u must be strong in chemistry?

No , not like that
He continued Answer my question , what were the number of elements in periodic table when Mendeleev designed it ?

Now it was my turn to get surprised. He was quizzing me. Close to 70-80

"No, 63" he said sharply.Which element has highest Electronegitivity?

Swati was laughing, and I didnt try too hard and said I Dunno
"Flourine", he said confidently. Without a break he asked,Which element has highest electron affinity?

Now I was laughing too and said I dunno

Chlorine , which subject are you strong at?

clearly having proven that my chemistry wasn't a strong point.

"Physics", I said.
Good then whats newtons Second Law?

I thought I knew this one. "F=ma", I said.
"Physics is not about formula, it is understanding concept!",  he reprimanded me in near perfect English. "Tell me in statement"

I was shocked. Swati continued to laugh.
I said "ok, Newtons second law, er….was…."
not , 'was' , its 'is'  second law is still there he snapped at my use of 'was'.

Surely, my physics wasn't impressing him either. "I don't remember" I said
"Force on an object is directly proportional to the mass of the

object and the acceleration of the object", he said it in near perfect

English.Did you do your masters ?
 No , I did MBA
MBA's just want money , they do nothing
Nope , nothing like that, we have to work for money.Didn't think too highly of me apparently anymore.
In a minute we reached our destination. We got off and I told him that he must and should definitely study more, and that I thought he was sharp as hell. He took only Rs 30, smiled and began to leave. I got my camera out and said Let me take a pic of u. He waved me off, dismissed the idea and rode off before I could say anything more….leaving me feeling high and dry like a spurned lover.
Damn, what a ride that was! India is changing, and changing fast.
And so it goes !!!!!

Is India changing?

Lurking Disasters – Part 1.

Everything wrong !!


I have a theory.

There are certain things that exponentially increase your chances of facing your own personal disaster.

Here’s my list of those.

  1. While wearing something white

    I generally avoid wearing white. It is just too much work. I have to concentrate on every minute movement of mine. I don’t really care much when I’m wearing any other color. But with white, it is a whole different kind of pressure test.
    But I have noticed, that when I am wearing white, the chances of someone flicking their pen nib on my t-shirt or a drop of pasta sauce falling on it drastically jumps to 90%.
    Nope, the pen nib REFUSES to touch you when you are wearing blue. Why? Because the color will blend in it. Oh no, it just needs to stand out. So it finds white. Kshygfyshdfh!
  1. When you’ve JUST done your nails and the paint isn’t…

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Anti constitutional Section 377


(This is something I wrote in December, but I think it’s the perfect article to start with)

Alright so “Mr. Baap of all courts”, the SC has passed the verdict criminalizing homosexual behavior. But what is the whole point. I mean how do you define CRIME? I feel it is something that is an offence, i.e. it offends someone, hurts their sentiments and emotions. So how can having affectionate feeling for anyone offend someone? Let’s say, just for the heck of it, you are having sex with your partner and I mean heterosexual sex, why on the earth will it offend anyone? Now if a guy loves a guy or a girl loves a girl why are they criminals? We ‘proudly’ claim that India is one of the fastest developing countries, the technology, the way we think, our traditions everything is evolving. It is one of the biggest democracies in the world. I agree that we are done with discriminating over caste, creed, religion, gender etc. but now we are discriminating on the basis of sexuality. It’s exactly how the “white” treated the “black”.  You claim to be the biggest democracy and then you take a community and call them criminals. You blame it on the religious leaders. Who are these leaders? They are some old, narrow minded, vision less hypocrites who have nothing to do. They have lived there lives, collected enough ‘gandhi’ for the next three generations. What they don’t know is that this country will be the youngest country in the world by 2020 with 64% youth, and guess what, 70% of these young citizens don’t even believe in religion. You call it unnatural.  You say that this is an inhumane activity. You called it a disease, a mental illness. But did you ever think that for them being attracted towards the member of same sex is natural and completely normal. That is exactly how nature designed them, they are wired to do this, they are programmed in this way. Asking them to be otherwise is inhuman. Asking them to be behave unnaturally is wrong and criminal! It’s like torturing someone for the rest of their life just because they can never be with someone they love or can love and they can never be happy with someone they don’t love or can’t love.